Saying No

Dr. Lindsey Doe, host of the Sexplanations channel, talks in a personal monologue about saying no. She estimates she has said yes to sex around 7,000 times over 23 years of being sexually active, and says most of those experiences were positive because she knew how to decline. She describes how knowing her boundaries lets her feel safe exploring what she wants, and how an "I don't know" can be worked through. She also notes that saying no does not guarantee others will respect her limits, but it is a way of caring for oneself. The video is shot on amateur equipment, which the host acknowledges.

• Personal reflection on consent and saying no
• Knowing personal boundaries as a basis for feeling safe
• Saying no does not guarantee others will respect limits
• Amateur sound and lighting, acknowledged by the host

When I do a calculation of times I've said yes to sex, based on estimates of how often I've had sex in 23 years of being active, it's around 7000. Seven thousand yeses. I would say almost all of them were positive and this is in large part because I knew how to say no. A main reason the curious, adventurous parts of me can consent to intimate acts and new experiences is that I know my boundaries. I know when something is a yes because I also know when it would be a no. Or if it's an 'I don't know' I have ways of working out that decision. The sense and ability to reject offers or situations that I don't want helps me to feel safer trying what I do want. NOTE: that doesn't always mean that I am safer. Saying no doesn't guarantee that others will honor our limits but it is a start in caring for ourselves. This episode is slightly blurry, the sound and lighting are amateur due to my inexperience with the equipment, but Sexpla)inauts encouraged me to post it, so I said yes, trusting that they would have said no on publishing if they wanted to. Dr. Doe's contact info: TWITTER : https://twitter.com/elleteedee TUMBLR : http://tumblingdoe.tumblr.com FACEBOOK : https://www.facebook.com/sexplanations INSTAGRAM : http://instagram.com/sexplanations DFTBA : https://store.dftba.com/collections/sexplanations WEBSITE : http://sexplanations.com Support Sexplanations by becoming a sexpla(i)naut: https://www.patreon.com/sexplanations https://www.patreon.com/sexplanationspodcast